


bury all your secrets in my skin

by tattooedsiren



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-09 23:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooedsiren/pseuds/tattooedsiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What would you do if someone found out our secret?"<br/>Harvey knows he should stop being surprised by Mike bringing this up at random intervals but he never is. Because they have gotten away with this for over two years and it's something he barely thinks about anymore, at least not until Mike inevitably brings it up again. But then he remembers: <i>oh yeah, Mike actually isn't a qualified lawyer and I could get fired and disbarred and hung, drawn and quartered for what I've done</i></p><p>[or: When Rachel finds out the truth about Mike’s past Harvey is confronted with a reality he has never prepared for: the possibility that he could lose Mike.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	bury all your secrets in my skin

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the suits-exchange. This was written before season two started airing, so no spoilers, and it's probably not really canon compliant anymore, but just go with it. :O)
> 
> Much love to smartalli for the beta.

"What would you do if someone found out our secret?"

Harvey looks up from the file he had been leafing through, confusion clear on his face. He briefly flicks his eyes to the glass walls lining his office, making sure no one has heard this incriminating though mercifully vague question and thankfully finds the hallway empty. He returns his gaze to Mike, really looking at him this time. 

Harvey knows he should stop being surprised by Mike bringing this up at random intervals but he never is. Because they have gotten away with this for over two years and it's something he barely thinks about anymore, at least not until Mike inevitably brings it up again. But then he remembers: _oh yeah, Mike actually isn't a qualified lawyer and I could get fired and disbarred and hung, drawn and quartered for what I've done._

But his answer is always the same. It's a dance they are forever doing, and Harvey doesn’t know exactly why but he won't be the first to stop the music.

"No one will find out, Mike," he replies, his answer verbatim to the last time Mike asked, and the time before that.

"Are you sure about that?" Mike counters, and there is something in his voice that raises the alarm bells. He can hear so many things, fear and regret and defiance and nervous laughter and something like rueful gloating, and for the first time Harvey isn't sure anymore.

He gets up and closes the office door, ignoring Donna's enquiring look. When he returns to the couch he can't help but notice Mike, hunched over with his hands wringing nervously, and he already knows, can feel it in the pit of his stomach, realises that the day he never planned for has finally arrived.

"What happened?" Harvey asks. His voice isn't unkind, but it's definitely business Harvey, ready to jump in and find the solution.

Mike finally looks up, and the expression on his face is so completely naked, filled with pain and regret, and he automatically reaches out to touch Mike, maybe rest a hand on his arm, wrap a few fingers around his wrist, but he remembers himself before he gets close enough, clasping his hands together to stop them from wandering again.

"I don't know how it happened … I mean she figured out about the LSATs thing but this – we are so careful and I don't know how – what do we do, Harvey?"

"Okay, slow down, kid," Harvey says, keeps his voice as soothing as possible, because he knows that if Mike gets any more spooked the aforementioned rambling will turn into something completely indecipherable. "Talk to me. What happened? Who found out?"

" _Rachel_ ," Mike tells him, like it's the most obvious thing ever. 

Okay, so not an ideal situation but it could have been much worse. Had it been one of the other associates or (God forbid) Louis he knows that both he and Mike would be out on their asses already. But since they are still here, haven’t been dragged into Jessica's office before being escorted out by security, Rachel clearly hasn't told anyone what she has discovered. Yet.

So now he has to think about what he can do to stop her from telling. He thinks about paying her off, but even if he could bring himself to attempt bribery he's pretty sure Rachel wouldn't take it, and would probably be so offended that it would send her running straight to Jessica. He could appeal to her emotional side, remind her how much she likes Mike, suggest that maybe this could just be their little secret. He could play up the fact that she didn’t go straight to Jessica like she probably should, because he's certain she knows how much Mike needs this, how much it means to him.

"You said this day would never come," Mike's voice breaks through his reverie. It's an accusation, and Harvey knows why. Because every time Mike suggested doing something to cover their tracks Harvey just made a joke and blew him off and now everything could come crashing down around them and suddenly Harvey realises that this could be it, he could lose Mike.

Harvey stands and walks to the windows, taking a few deep breaths. It's all too much. There was a reason he never planned for this day and he is only just now beginning to fully appreciate the scope of reasons why. He realises that he has been acting like an ostrich with its head buried in the sand, like a kid who puts his hands over his ears and shuts his eyes so he can pretend he doesn’t see what is right in front of him.

This kid, who somehow manages to be both a total genius (" _you’re Albert friggin’ Einstein and you couldn’t manage to get into law school_ ") and a complete idiot (" _it's funny because you should already know how to do both those things_ "), who somehow manages to know exactly when he needs to stand up to Harvey and when he needs to submit to his orders, is the only one who has ever gotten in, past all the bullshit and lies he tells to protect himself. He made it in to the inner circle, except now he could be torn away just as quickly.

"Harvey, what are we going to do?"

Harvey finally turns and looks at Mike. "I don't know," he admits.

"What?" Mike looks genuinely stunned, like he is completely unable to believe that Harvey doesn’t have some kind of plan in place.

"I don't fucking know, okay?" Harvey says, anger and desperation finally creeping in. "We never planned for this. We never made a Plan B, never created an exit strategy-"

"Exit strategy?" Mike interrupts, standing and crossing the room to him. "So that's it? You're just going to cut and run, going to make _me_ cut and run. What? To save yourself?"

"Whoa, hold on," Harvey says, and this time he does reach out, wrapping his fingers around Mike's biceps and squeezing. The younger man had gotten worked up, and Harvey remains silent until he calms the hell down before dropping his hands once more. "What are you talking about?"

"You would never allow me to drag you down, put your career in jeopardy. That's the exit strategy we're talking about here, right? We're hanging off the side of a mountain and you're going to cut the rope to save yourself, aren't you?"

Harvey just stares at him, aghast. He knows he talks a good talk, but within a week of them meeting Mike was crowing about how Harvey cared about him, and even though he would rebuff him every time he mentioned it he always assumed Mike saw right through that. But here he is, plainly stating that even after everything they have been through together he still expects to be cast aside in the interests of Harvey's own self-preservation.

And really, that fucking hurts. Okay, he is not the most demonstrative guy in the world, but he thought Mike knew. Because Harvey trusts Mike, more than anyone, more than he could ever articulate into words, and if nothing else this has shown Harvey that Mike doesn't trust him back.

"How could you possibly think that?" Harvey asks. He does well, manages to keep the hurt from his voice, instead filling his tone with simple curiosity. He wants to tell Mike that he would never do that, could never just throw him to the wolves to save himself. He wants to say that they are in this together, forever and always. But he can't make himself form the words. Instead all he can focus on is the pain in his stomach when he looks at Mike, and so instead tells him, "You need to leave."

Which, okay, possibly contradicts his previous implications about not cutting Mike off, but it's not about that. He needs some space, some time to think this through, and he can't do that with Mike right there, invading his space like it's his right, looking up at him with a neverending rotation of emotions flicking over his face.

"Harvey-" Mike starts, before he is cut off with a shake of the head.

"Go, Mike. Take the contracts back to your cubicle and get back to work. Keep your head down, act normal and try not to bring any attention to yourself."

And because Mike really does know when to fight and when to obey, he nods and silently gathers up the paperwork before slipping from the room without another word.

Harvey knows it's time to go into _badass lawyer_ mode, but it's like his brain has been substituted with fluffy white cotton and he can't think. Because he can't reconcile this. This wasn’t supposed to happen – Mike was meant to succeed and advance up the ranks and they were meant to take this secret to the grave. 

He picks up a baseball and idly tosses it back and forth, left to right. He focuses on the repetitive motion until his head clears. And suddenly, he knows what he needs to do.

Rachel looks completely surprised when she looks up to find that it's Harvey knocking on her office door. She inclines her head and Harvey enters, closing the door behind him before sitting down opposite her.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here," he says, and before she has a chance to respond continues with, "How did you find out?"

Rachel puts down her pen and leans back in her chair, considering him. "It doesn’t matter how I found out. The important part is that I did."

"And what do you intend to do?" he asks, cool and indifferent. He knows he needs to at least attempt to keep his emotions in check. If he can project that he is completely unphased by all this it might help tip the balance of power back onto his side. Because as much as he hates to admit it, Rachel absolutely has the upper hand here. She could ruin them.

"I don’t know," Rachel replies. Her voice is cool and aloof and Harvey knows she is trying to hide the anger she is feeling. But Harvey reads people, and as they stare at each other across the small desk he can tell by the twitching of her hands and the biting of her lip and a million other small signs how she really feels.

"I don't think that's true," Harvey tells her, seizing onto what he can see beneath the surface. "I think if you were going to turn him in you would've done that by now. I think you are hoping to find a reason to _not_ turn him in."

"You mean _you_. A reason to not turn _you_ in. Because let's face it, you would get into a hell of a lot more trouble than Mike would."

Okay, time to change tack. He realises that putting on his _best closer in the city_ armour isn't going to work here. Because as much as working within the law should be all about rules and truths free of emotions, just like in life the little bastards always find their way in. And he knows the only reason Rachel hasn't said anything so far is because of her feelings for Mike. Therefore if he wants to save Mike, he needs to level about his own.

"You're right. I would. But that's not why I'm here. This isn’t about me, it's about Mike. You've seen him at work – tell me he isn't a brilliant lawyer."

Rachel is silent for a few moments, because as mad as she is she still can't deny that.

"Look, I could explain to you the _whys_ and _wheres_ and _hows_ , every step that lead us to this point, every rationale I told myself when I broke all those rules. But it still wouldn’t matter. Because you don’t care about any of that. All you care about is how pissed off you are that Mike is doing a job you dream about doing even though he is as qualified as you are."

Rachel looks indignant and he can see an objection or outburst coming so he holds up a hand to silence her and continues before she can interrupt.

"You know it's true. And you know what, if I were you I'd be pissed too. Without a doubt. But just think about the consequences here. If you tell, it will _destroy_ him."

Rachel sits back, and Harvey can tell the truth of his statement is rolling around in her mind, because she is avoiding his gaze, almost guiltily. She ruminates in silence and he lets her, doesn't push anymore for fear of pushing her too far.

"Tell me something," Rachel says at last, leaning forward and locking onto Harvey with an even gaze. "Tell me why."

"Why I hired him when he had no degree?"

"No, tell me why you are fighting to keep him."

He heard her perfectly well, but in an attempt at stalling for time he narrows his forehead at her and says, "Sorry, what was that?"

"You heard me," she returns, smirking. "Tell me why or I swear I will walk straight up to Jessica and-"

"No, don't, okay," Harvey says urgently, almost standing from his chair in the haste of the moment. Rachel grins even bigger, like she knows she has him right in her trap, and he settles himself back down and takes a deep breath.

But the thing is, he doesn't know how to answer her question. If he is completely honest there are lots of reasons why he is fighting Rachel so hard to keep Mike, and yes, okay, self-preservation is amongst them. But he meant it when he said that this wasn’t about him. He sifts through the emotions swirling within, those feelings that have been buried deep within for the longest time, only recently skirting the surface of his consciousness. But he doesn’t want to speak of it, because to say so out loud would make it real and he's not sure he is ready for that. However he also knows that nothing short of the complete and honest truth will save Mike from the damage Rachel could do. And it feels ridiculous to tell Rachel this, when he has never told anyone, never thought he would, but if this is what it takes then so be it.

"Because I need him."

There. Four words of complete and utter truth that manages to convey the reality of his feelings and intentions while still being vague enough that it's possible Rachel won't understand the full scope of its meaning. He would feel quite proud of his brilliance if he wasn’t so busy feeling utterly terrified that it still won't be enough.

Rachel continues to stare him down. He falters under her gaze, because it is so sure and it feels like she is seeing beneath the surface to the truth of the matter. He clears his throat, fidgets in the chair. It is completely ridiculous to feel so undone, so exposed, but he can't help it. He has gone toe to toe with the best lawyers in the city and hasn’t felt one tenth of the anxiety he feels in this moment.

"I'll think about it," Rachel says eventually.

Harvey looks up and meets her gaze. Her expression is neutral, almost guarded, but he can guess at the turmoil Rachel must be beginning to feel as Harvey makes this implied claim. He nods, manages a soft but genuine _thank you_ and hastens from the room. 

It was the best he could hope for, really. He knows that he's good, but the fraud he and Mike committed was no small thing, and Rachel is a good friend to Mike but she also cares a great deal about their firm and he honestly doesn’t know which way the chips will fall. But he knows he has done all that he can and it's out of his hands.

How he manages to get through the rest of the afternoon without losing his mind, he doesn’t know. The office slowly empties. He waves goodbye to Donna at around 6.30pm (he ignores the concerned look she throws him – she knows something is wrong but doesn't know what has happened and though he did consider bringing her in on this he figures it's probably better to contain things, to limit the fallout in case this goes south) and the hallways eventually darken. He considers putting on a record but thinks the moody jazz he so adores really won't help at the moment. Instead he just buries his head in his work, ignores the constant pounding of his heart, tries to forget that at any tick of the clock everything could come crashing down around him.

It's ridiculously late when the small sound of his office door being opened rouses him from his work. He looks up to see Mike, closing the door behind him. His hands are shoved into his pockets, his shirt sleeves rolled up slightly. He looks exhausted, and Harvey knows it's not from the long hours he's been working.

"I just spoke to Rachel," Mike says.

Harvey immediately stands, stepping out from behind the desk. "And?"

A smile so large it could almost break his face lights up Mike's features. "She isn't going to tell."

"Glad to hear it," Harvey says dismissively, hoping his indifference will mask how truly and utterly relieved he is.

"Why did you do it?" Mike asks, taking a small step forward. 

Harvey could ask for clarification, he could deny everything, he could dismiss Mike for the evening and never say a word. But it's been a long day, and though he would never admit it he still feels quite raw, so he asks, "Why do you think, rookie?"

"Because I know where all your bodies are buried?"

Harvey can't help but grin at that. "Maybe."

"Because I have a genius brain and a flawless memory?" Mike continues, inching further into the room.

"Probably."

"Because you so totally care about me."

"Doubtful."

"Liar," Mike declares with a grin, before closing the small space between them and kissing him. Harvey genuinely didn't see it coming, but that doesn't stop him from responding, moving his lips slowly against Mike's, opening his mouth when Mike silently demands entrance.

But then reality kicks in and Harvey pushes him away, taking a step back and glaring at him. "Oh my God. Seriously? We just shot down one career threatening problem; do you really want to create a new one so soon?"

Mike doesn’t look at all offended at being rebuffed. If anything he looks amused, grinning when he says, "Okay, first of all, I can recite verbatim all of the Pearson Hardman workplace conduct rules and there is nothing that forbids this as long as we go on the record about it. Second of all, that wasn't a 'no, Mike, I'm not gay, I don't want you that way'. And third, you totally kissed back and I don't care about your lectures I am so gonna gloat about this."

He is smiling so bright and looks so happy and care-free and Harvey is torn between rolling his eyes and kissing him again. Instead he finds himself smilingly indulgently at his associate, body shaking with silent laughter. He briefly reaches over and cups a hand around the back of his neck, thumb tracing his jaw line, before he drops his hand and returns to his desk. He tries to resume his work, flicking through one of the files on his desk, but he can feel Mike's stare, heavy and unrelenting. When he can't take it any longer he finally looks up and says, "We can't do this, Mike. Not here."

"So take me back to your place," Mike returns, completely unabashed.

Okay, so that was not at all the reply he was expecting. And really, those words with their boldness and certainty should not affect him as much as they do. But somehow he finds himself saying, "Meet me downstairs in five."

Mike practically bounces out of the office and Harvey already feels in over his head and he doesn’t know what the fuck he is thinking. But maybe that's just it. He's not thinking. He's _feeling_.

It's almost enough to make him call the whole thing off. But somewhere deep inside he knows that it would really just be putting off the inevitable. That somehow he knows that this is something he can't fight, or more to the point, it's something that no matter how hard he fights he will never win.

So he starts packing up and slips on his suit jacket and then his coat and he heads downstairs. Mike is there waiting and neither speaks, Mike just falls in step with him as he heads out to the road and hails a cab.

A shiny yellow car appears like magic and Harvey opens the door, allowing Mike to get in first and scoot over to the other side. He gives the driver his address and they remain silent, not touching, not even looking at each other, the whole cab ride home.

The entire drive to Harvey's place a constant barrage of objections roll through his mind. _This is so fucking stupid. It could ruin everything. You've made some massive mistakes before but this is certainly going straight to the top of that list. Everything will change in ways you can't predict or control. It's not too late. You can still stop this._ His mind continues screaming abuse even as they exit the cab, walk past the doorman and head up to his apartment. Mike stands at the opposite side of the elevator, keeps his distance. Harvey finally meets his eyes and Mike doesn’t look nervous or uncertain. If anything he has this air about him, like the way he looks when he has just figured out a way to save their case and he knows how brilliant he is, smug and self-assured in a way that should be annoying but is somehow completely endearing. 

And he suddenly knows that, internal protests be damned, this is definitely going to happen.

They exit the elevator and silently walk down the corridor to Harvey's condo. He unlocks the door and lets them both in. Mike hovers in the doorway, taking everything in, eyes wide as he has finally been admitted to the oft-mythologised apartment.

When Mike finally turns his gaze to Harvey he can feel it like a lightning bolt down his spine. He suddenly feels like he is suffocating on the tension between them as they gaze at each other, both seemingly unable to even move.

"This is a bad idea," Harvey finally says, hating how much his own voice betrays him, thick with want and lust.

"Don't care," Mike replies, stepping forward and kissing him.

Harvey completely surrenders, can't argue or fight anymore. Because he wants this. He really tried to not want this, pushed it from his thoughts whenever a stray image or notion stole into his mind. And now that he has this, can feel Mike's mouth against his own, his warm and solid body pressing into the length of his own, he knows there will be no giving this up.

Mike makes quick work of his coat and jacket, pushing them from his shoulders onto the floor. Harvey doesn't even care about his crumpled clothes, too busy pulling at Mike's tie so it can join them.

They stumble into the apartment, each step including the removal of a shoe, a jacket, a tie, a vest, a belt. Mike pulls Harvey's shirt from his pants just as they make it to the couch. He breaks their kiss, hands flat to Harvey's chest as he pushes him down onto the couch before he follows, climbing into his lap, thighs pressing into his hips as he claims his mouth once more.

A sudden urgency overtakes them and it's a tangle of hands as they each try and undo the button and fly on the others pants. Mike, with his surprisingly nimble fingers, gets there first, thrusting his hand into Harvey's pants. Harvey groans at the contact, temporarily blindsided into stillness, forgets his mission to get into Mike's pants and just focuses on the feel of Mike wrapping his fingers around him and beginning to pump.

A low moan escapes from the deep recess of his throat and then Mike is there, mouth pressing to his neck, tongue lightly tracing from the base of his throat up to claim his mouth once more, tongue pushing in, warm and demanding. Harvey finishes his task in haste, reaching in and grasping on.

It should feel ridiculous, two grown men wanking each other off like a couple of teenagers. But Harvey doesn’t care. This is real, it's visceral and desperate and they need this. Mike braces his free hand to the couch behind Harvey's head and Harvey grips at his hip, keeping him in place as their hands move to a frantic pace. Mike breaks their kiss, sits back enough that they can look each other in the eyes. Mike's hips thrust in his lap and his face is flushed, eyes glassy, and Harvey wonders at the long list of reasons that brought them here, all the mistakes and battles both won and lost and every decision that has lead them here, to this moment that feels more real than he could ever express. 

He's so close, Mike alternating pressure as his movements quicken. He licks at his lips, and Mike groans in reply. And then Mike shifts forward, whispering into his ear, "Nearly lost you today."

Harvey can't help but smile in return, murmuring, "Never gonna happen, kid," before latching on to his exposed neck, sucking at the pulse point.

Mike starts to become breathless, his own movements on Harvey becoming erratic, and Harvey keeps sucking, quickens his hand until Mike comes.

It really shouldn’t affect him that much, those breathy moans, the way his whole body presses into Harvey's, but it does. His brain feels like it's short-circuiting, wires all frayed and exposed. The well of desire pooled in his stomach expands, his whole body suddenly warm and sweaty, and yet the power of his orgasm still takes him by surprise, his whole body tensing, fingers digging into Mike's hip, his suit completely ruined and him not giving a single fuck about it.

Mike slumps against him, shattered and pliant, and Harvey wraps his arms around him to keep him in place. They both remain silent, trying to regain their breath. Mike's forehead is pressing into the crook of his neck and Harvey can't help but slip his fingers under the back of Mike's shirt, gripping at the slick skin beneath.

At some point they are going to have to deal with the fallout from today. They'll need to make a plan to safeguard the secret of Mike's history. Harvey will need to talk to Rachel about keeping her silence. They'll need to talk about what to do if someone finds out and actually turns them in, decide on an exit strategy that works for them both. They are probably at some point going to have to talk about what just happened, though Harvey won't mind at all if that stays at the bottom of the list. But all that can wait for later. Because for now, for this moment, he is just going to enjoy the feel of Mike's warm body pressed against his.

Mike shifts his head up slightly and says, "Admit it," into his ear, an implied demand if ever he heard one.

"Admit what exactly?" Harvey replies in a mumble.

Mike leans back just so he can give Harvey a pointed look. "You know what."

Harvey groans. "After everything that has happened today are you really going to make me say it?"

"Yup."

"Fine." He takes a deep breath and sneaks in an eye roll before reluctantly drawling, "I care about you."

Mike grins, pressing his lips to Harvey's and saying, "I care about you too."


End file.
